Bear and Birdie
by CrimsonRae
Summary: Howard only ever had Birdie to confide in as a child and Steve only ever had Bucky. So, what happens when more than just a supersoldier serum connects these people? What secrets will be unfolded and friendships forged? Told in a collection of one-shots and flashbacks, rating subject to change.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: I wasn't originally going to post this, but I figure that I could do more with it once it was published on the site. I hope you guys enjoy the story and to those of you who read Secrets Undercover, the sequel is in process.

Disclaimer: I own what is mine.

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Chapter One

Kingston, New York 1935

It was an unbearably hot morning. The sun seemed to be reminding the world that it was a giant ball of burning gas. Well maybe not the world, but the heat was definitely making its presence known to the small group segregated in a cemetery just outside of Kingston. Elena Turner stifled a sigh as she tried not to tug at the sleeves of her mourning dress. The satiny material didn't breathe and was beginning to cling to her skin…she wished the preacher would talk faster, this farce of a funeral needed to be over. She felt her cousin shift uncomfortably next to her and knew that he too was becoming impatient. She could not help, but turn to look at him. His eyes were glazed red and glaring miserably at the wooden coffin perched before them. He had foregone any pretense at being composed and was pulling clumsily at his collar.

Elena supposed it was for the best, Howard was supposed to be playing the role of the grieving son. She doubted that anyone, but herself and a few servants, knew that his pallid complexion and bloodshot eyes were the result from a night of drinking in celebration, rather than crying in sorrow. He was beyond hung-over and the strange heat was doing nothing to make him better. She only hoped that he would not do something incredibly…stupid.

"Stop fidgeting." Elena warned quietly, "There are more than enough people staring at you."

"I think I'm going to throw up." Howard murmured uneasily as he continued to pull at his collar. He could care less about the people watching him. He had spent the past week in a wild state of relief, shock and horror and it was almost over. As soon as the coffin was in the ground, he could move on.

"Please don't." Elena said with a small grimace, "I told you not to drink so much last night."

He rolled his eyes and instantly regretted it, "How was I supposed to know it would be such a wretched morning? Isn't it supposed to rain at funerals?...God, I'm dying."

"You're not dying, you big baby. Besides, I think the world is rather happy that your father is no longer in it, I know I am." Elena muttered lightly as she watched the preacher finally close his bible and step back from the coffin to let the gravediggers have access.

Howard nearly cried in relief at the sight of the slightly grungy men, "Give me a break. The only person mourning daddy dearest is your mother."

As if the woman in question could hear his words from across the aisle of folding chairs, Vitoria Turner, sister of Howard Stark Senior, let out an awful screeching sob. Elena was sure the entire congregation cringed at the sound as she tried to hold back a groan of disgust. She could see her older brother, Fergus, quickly coming to her mother's aid with a handkerchief. It was not even eleven in the morning and already the day was too long.

"Think she'll still be crying when she finds out that father left her out of his will?" Her cousin murmured amusedly as he watched the spectacle his aunt was making.

"Yes, except then the tears will be real." Elena muttered dryly as she turned her attention back to the lowering of the casket. She honestly did not want to think about her mother receiving that news. The woman was intolerable on a good day; on a bad day, Vitoria Turner could make Satan cry, "Can I stay with you when that happens?"

Howard sent her a sympathetic look, "Do you even have to ask, Birdie? You're always welcome in my home." He tugged at his collar again, "My God, what is with this heat? It's barely even May. I swear this is my father's doing. He's making sure I'm miserable even when he's gone."

"Don't say that!" Elena whispered harshly as she went pale at the thought of her uncle still having any influence on the world.

She sensed Howard's sharp eyes studying her and suddenly felt her stomach roll with silent shame. He hadn't been the only one to have a tumultuous week. She had been bouncing between the same emotions he had, the only difference was that Elena knew they would not be able to move on as easily as her cousin seemed to think. Her eyes drifted back towards the rectangular hole in the ground, and suddenly, her dress was not the only thing unable to breathe. What had she done?

As if he knew what she was thinking, Howard quickly grasped her hand and squeezed her fingers. Her blue gaze quickly snapped to him, but all Howard could do was shake his head. Don't fall apart now, he was silently trying to tell her. Not yet.

"Where's that flask you snatched this morning?" He whispered instead, no longer meeting her stare. If he had, then he would have seen the exasperated disbelief that sparked in her blue orbs.

"I'm not giving you anymore alcohol."

Howard bit back a smile as he heard the annoyance coating her voice. However, he hadn't been asking for the flask for himself to use, but for her. Elena could use a little alcohol to calm her nerves. He turned to explain this to her, but was only able to get his mouth open when another resounding screech was heard from the other side of the aisle as the mourners began to stand for final farewells.

Elena glared at him, "If I have to deal with my mother sober, then so do you."

Howard wisely kept his mouth shut and stood to receive the forming line of condolence wishers. Suddenly, he wished she had given him the flask. In a perfect world, he would not have had to arrange a funeral at the age of sixteen. His eyes drifted toward the now lower casket that had induced Elena's minor panic moments before, but then he should not have killed his father either. His hands went clammy and the headache he had been nursing all morning seemed to become even more unbearable. He just needed to get past today. A moment later, he felt Elena come to his side. Her hand lightly tapped his elbow to let him that she was there if he needed her. He smiled gratefully at her.

"Uncle Leo is here." Elena whispered as he began to shake hands, "He'll take us back to the house once we're done here."

Howard nodded his understanding as he spared another glance toward his father's grave. As he glanced back at the mourners, he caught Elena's gaze. A look of grim understanding passed between them. No one could know.

xXx

_ The Stark home was eerily quiet as Elena sat stiffly in the great room. Aside from the regular Sunday dinner her family attended here, the last few times she had been inside had been when Howard had come home from school and was throwing some ridiculously lavish party. This place had always been loud and filled with people. Now, her mother resided on the sofa across the room with a handkerchief in hand as she practice her upset face for when the doctor came in with the news of Howard Senior's death. Fergus was pacing about, eyeing the antique furniture. Elena had no doubt he was pricing each item to pawn and cover his gambling debts. Despite her family's disgusting faults, she could not help but acknowledge to herself that she was now the biggest sinner of the three of them. Her eyes followed her brother's movements as he paused before a particularly nice grandfather clock while out of the corner of her eye she saw her mother gasp and press her hand to her chest in mock despair. She felt the insane urge to laugh…they were all going to hell._

_ The door to the great room opened and everyone froze, expecting the doctor to come in with the horrible news. Instead, Mika, Howard Senior's manservant entered. He was as impassive as ever as he directed his soulful brown stare on Elena. For one horrifying moment, Elena was sure the man knew what she had done. Her breath caught in her throat as her stomach churned with guilt._

"_Mr. Stark is on the phone for you, Miss. Turner."Mika's somber voice resonated through the room._

_What – Elena blinked as her mind tried to process his words. Mr. Stark? He was upstairs in bed…dying. How could he possibly be – and suddenly the light bulb went on. Howard, her Howard was on the phone. She stood quickly, well aware of the eyes of her mother and brother on her as she exited the room and followed Mika to the Stark home office. He paused outside the door and gestured for her to enter. His eyes never left her and Elena felt apprehension crawl through her veins as she gave him a tight-lipped smile and entered the office. He knew, she swore, he knew._

_The door clicked shut as her hand wrapped around the phone's receiver and pressed it to her ear, "Howard?"_

"_Birdie, I'm at the train station. Has he…" The phone line crackled as she heard Howard sigh, "Has he been -"_

"_Pronounced dead? No." Elena supplied, she fidgeted and glanced at the closed door, "Umm, the doctor is with him now. It's just a matter of when."_

_There was a moment of still silence and she could just picture her cousin nodding to himself as he tried to figure things out, "Okay…alright…and no one suspects?" _

_She nibbled her lip as she tried to push away her paranoia, "I don't think so…but, Howard?"_

"_Yeah?"_

"_Just…" she hesitated, "Just get here, okay? I feel like I'm going to lose it soon." _

"_I'll be there in an hour, Birdie." He replied quietly, "Just be you and if something happens…lie. You're the better liar of the two of us anyway."_

_She rolled her eyes, "You're so comforting."_

"_Aren't I?"_

_Elena could practically see the smirk playing on his lips, but despite his stupid remark, she felt a little better. The brat probably knew it too. She huffed a little, "I'll see you soon."_

"_Yeah, I promise I'll be there."_

_The phone clicked and the dial tone hit her ears. Elena sighed and rubbed at her face. It was going to be a long day. _

_Her blue eyes drifted around the room before landing on her uncle's globe. Two bottles of booze resided inside, she knew. Her fingers twitched, she rarely drank before five. A personal rule of hers after being surrounded by so many drunks: her uncle, her mother, her brother, and at times her cousin. She was making an exception today. She knocked the cover of the globe off and pulled out a bottle of whiskey before snatching out the drinking glass. After a pouring of two fingers and a deep gulp later, Elena rested back in the office chair and allowed the warmth from the alcohol to soothe was how Howard found her an hour later as he came striding into the office. He barely raised an eyebrow at the open bottle and simply found a glass for himself. He poured them both a decent amount of liquid before holding up his glass._

"_Cheers." He knocked back the glass without even flinching before pouring himself another._

_Elena tapped his leg, "Slow down. You can't be drunk for this."_

_Howard grunted in acknowledgement and slid his glass onto the desk, "Hiding?"_

_There was beat before Elena realized what he was talking about, "My family is driving me crazy. I'm pretty sure they've put a price tag on everything in the house. Your call gave me the chance to get away from them"_

_Howard snorted, "Has your mother completely forgotten that her brother has a son? Me?"_

"_You're sixteen. She thinks she can overrule you like she does Fergus." She pressed her glass of whiskey to her forehead, "This is insane."_

_Elena could feel her cousin's eyes boring into her, but she did not want to meet his pitying gaze._

"_You didn't have to do it, you know?" His voice was a low, barely a gruff whisper, "I was more than willingly to handle this myself."_

"_Oh, please." Elena scoffed as she finally met Howard's gaze, "It would have taken years for you to do this by yourself. You're only home from school during the holidays and summer and 'he' always makes sure he has a business meeting to attend, so he won't have to see you .It was easier for me to dose him. I'm here every weekend after all."_

_ He could not hold her steely gaze for long. Howard looked away frustrated, he knew she was right. Ever since his father had sent him to boarding school two years prior, the man avoided him like the plague. To be honest, the arrangement had suited Howards just fine. He no longer had to explain the bruises that would mysteriously appear on his face, he no longer had to listen to his mother quietly weeping as her husband took her to task again. But then, he had lived in the thought that when his father had sent him away that his mother had finally taken the chance to leave. He had deluded himself into thinking she was living the high life somewhere on the west coast…far from harm._

_ His gaze sought out the bookcase across the room. On the second shelf, two books from the left, resided a secret cache that held his father's personal journal. The man wrote down everything in there…and Howard had found it. Seven months ago. That had been when he found out the truth. His mother had never left as he had thought. She tried, but his father…. His stomach churned and he closed his eyes as if to block out the words he had read. _

_Howard Senior had written down where he had buried her and Howard Junior had dug her up. _

_Annalisa Stark had rotted away in a shallow grave in some obscure cove off on the property with no one the wiser. He glanced back at Birdie to find her already watching him. She had to drag him away from the sight of his mother's body. She tried to protect him, but not even his cousin –his best friend could not make that nightmare disappear. Annalisa Stark was not the only family member his father had killed either. Howard's hand reached for Birdie's. He was avenging his mother, Birdie was avenging her father._

"_No one can know." Howard whispered._

_Elena gave him a baleful look, "I wasn't planning on making the fact that we've been dousing your father with arsenic the past few months' common knowledge."_

_He scowled lightly at her as she took a sip from her glass. She sent him a fake smile, "Besides I wouldn't look good in prison stripes."_

_Howard snorted and took a drink himself. _

_Howard Stark Senior died three hours later. The doctor diagnosed it as weakened immune system brought on by the pneumonia he suffered almost a year previously. He had been sick quite often after that illness struck him. Never really recovering his old strength. No one suspected that he had been poisoned. _


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: I'm focusing mostly on Howard and Birdie right now, but Steve and Bucky will come up soon.

Disclaimer: I own what is mine.

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Chapter Two

_1926 Kingston, New York_

_ Elena was not a fan of the color red. It was too bright…as if the color was screaming to be noticed. Yellow was similar, but there were many shades of yellow that could range from horribly ugly to timidly pretty. Howard would tell her that there were many shades of red, like yellow, but red had to stay bright to be red. Too light it was pink and too dark it was almost black. She could not help but think that it was because of her dislike for red that she did not like cherries. Almost suspiciously, she used her fork to prod at the slice of cherry pie her father had given her. It was her reward for not misbehaving during the picnic. The cherry filling was shiny and oozed from the buttery crust into the bright light of the sun. The dark crimson red that shone from its dark depths was illuminated to show an almost fire engine red. She wished she had misbehaved now. _

"_Birdie?"_

"_Hmm?" She paused in her examination of her pie to turn wide blue eyes on her cousin. Howard looked unusually pale and her normally boisterous friend had been rather subdued during the picnic. She didn't have to ask him why. His lip was split and he had been favoring his left side while they played. He had bruises again. Not that she could see them, but she knew….she was eight, not stupid._

"_I don't feel good." The young boy mumbled, his hand clenched the edge of the picnic table as he leaned forward._

_Papa had given him a slice of pie too. Unlike her, Howard had eaten almost all of his. Elena dropped her fork onto her plate and grabbed her cousin's free hand, "Go sit in the shade. I'll be right back."_

_He held onto her hand as he clambered off the wooden bench before sluggishly ambling toward a shady willow tree. She watched him go with worried eyes before moving away from the table and toward her father. Elena nearly sighed in relief when she saw him talking with her Uncle Leo and Fergus instead of her Uncle Howard. She slipped in between the two adults and gently tugged on the white cuff of her father's sleeve until he gave her, his attention. _

"_Pigeon, you keep pulling like that and you'll pull my shirt right off." Samuel Turner teased as he slipped his cuff from his daughter's grasp. He gave her a soft smile that she returned readily as she looked into his twinkling blue eyes…blue like hers._

"_Lord knows we wouldn't want that." Leonard Turner quipped, "Your father's pasty skin would blind us all, Ducks. And I need my eyes, thank you."_

_She tried not to grin as her Uncle Leo smiled innocently at her father's glare, but was largely unsuccessful. Though her smiled nearly turned into a frown as she saw her father opening his mouth to retort. The last thing she needed was for the two brothers to start bickering with each other. They would forget she was there and then she would have to wait an eternity to get her father's attention again._

"_Papa!" She cried hastily before a sound even left the man's throat._

_The same wide eyed stare she had given to her cousin was now being directed at her, "Yes, Pigeon?"_

"_Do we have any water?" Elena asked quietly, knowing that all she had been able to drink was the lemonade that Aunt Annalisa had brought to the picnic, "Howard ate his pie too quickly and doesn't feel good. I think he needs some water."_

_There was a pause and Elena didn't miss the solemn looks that her father and uncle exchanged as her brother snorted, "That kid's a walking train wreck. It's amazing he can get out of bed without hurting himself."_

_She glared petulantly at her older brother, "Shut up, Fergus." _

"_Elena, you don't speak like that to your brother." Samuel said sternly, not liking the distaste in his daughter's expression, "And Fergus, you should know better than to say such things about your cousin. You're sixteen, not twelve."_

_ Neither sibling said another word, instead choosing to just scowl at each other. They missed their uncle's smirk of amusement and their father's exasperated stare as a result of their childish actions. The glaring contest lasted another minute before Fergus rolled his eyes and strolled off to find someone else to speak with while Elena's wealthy upbringing showed through a little as she sniffed disdainfully at his departure. Her uncle choked back a laugh as he watched the snobby display come from his eight year old niece before she turned baleful eyes back on her father. _

_ The older man sighed and tapped his daughter's nose, "I think I can scrounge up some water for Howard. Why don't you go sit with him while I do that."_

"_Okay." She quickly agreed before scurrying away. She missed the concerned gazes that followed after her._

_ When she made it to the willow tree, she found Howard curled on his side. He had his face pressed into the cool grass while he tried to take steady breaths. Elena bit her lip as she watched her cousin. She hated it when he was sick. She never knew what to do to make him better. _

_Sighing quietly, she plunked ungracefully down next to him and began to run her fingers through his hair, "Papa is getting you some water."_

_Howard rolled his head back and smiled gratefully up at her, though Elena could only force a smile in return. He must have bitten his lip at some point and cracked open the split he had, because now she could see a small stream of blood trickling down his chin. His shirt had risen up a little as well and she could just make out the hint of dark purple flesh that coated his side while a streak of puffy red skin was exposed. The belt. She averted her eyes, but tenderly wiped her hand over his lip and chin to get rid of the blood._

"_Howard." Elena whispered tearfully._

"_I'm okay, Birdie. Promise." Howard whispered back._

_She didn't leave his side for the rest of the picnic. She turned her hand over later to see her fingers still stained from Howard's blood. She hated the color red. _

xXx

1938 New York

Elena stifled a yawn as she flipped through the pages of her anatomy textbook. She had a six thousand word essay to write on the impact of bacteria on human tissue. The essay was due in two days and she had not started. She usually would have had the paper finished the day it was assigned, but her professor was such a …a royal ass that any assignment from him made her want grumbled in annoyance and she often found herself procrastinating until the last minute. Sighing, she lazily pulled a piece of paper from the wooden desk she was sitting at and began to make notations on which areas in the book to focus on. She no sooner had three words written when the unmistakable sound of metal clanging to the floor met her ears. She closed her eyes and tried to block the horrendous noise out, but did not turn to look. She waited and was rewarded a second later with muffled cursing.

Apparently, she was not going to start her paper today. Turning slowly in her seat, she caught sight of her cousin's fuming figure. At least she did not need the fire extinguisher this time. Carefully, she surveyed the mess scattered on the floor. There was a giant whole in the middle of a large iron sheet. The edges warped and curled back like a melted candle wax. Elena opened her mouth before slowly closing it. Did she really want to know?

Howard must have seen her speculative look because in the next instant his voice reverberated across the lab, "Not a word, Birdie."

Elena raised her hands in surrender, "I didn't say anything…. Glad you're not on fire – this time."

Howard scowled ineffectually at her. He knew that she was used to him and his…little blunders. He had always been curious. In some ways it had been worse when he and Birdie were kids. He would take anything apart and try to reassemble it. It was worse if he ever got a hold of the things that his father brought home from work. He had once set off a machine gun prototype that his father's engineers had put together when he was eleven. He still maintained that no one would have found out about that little incident, if the damn thing hadn't rotated while it shot and inexplicably ended up shooting his father's car to pieces. The explosion had been pretty spectacular, he remembered with a grin. The beating he received for that particular episode had almost been worth it.

"I thought you were supposed to be building some sort of machine. Not destroying one." Elena murmured as came closer to his work station for a better look at the damage.

"I am." Howard said through gritted teeth, "I was given a list of possible chemicals that would be run through it and what kind of conditions that it has to hold up against, but the damn thing always falls apart."

"What's it supposed to do? It looks like your building some sort of compression chamber." She lifted herself onto her toes and peered over the tin box or what was left of it.

"I would love to know-" He began to pick up the pieces of iron, examining the scarred material as he moved around the lab, "But I'm only given bits and pieces to work with. I know it has something to do with the government contract my father set up, but beyond that….Not a clue."

"Government?" She muttered under her breath as she reached up to touch a gravelly looking surface of the box, "The plot thickens."

Howard sighed and tossed the pieces he had gathered on to his work table, "Its _Top Secret_. And they're worried about details getting out."

Elena smirked as she turned and cocked a brow at him, "You mean our government doesn't trust a nineteen year old with its secrets? How shocking."

"It's my company that's doing the work. I should know what it's about." Howard exclaimed with a glare.

Elena swallowed a laugh at her cousin's irate expression. Nineteen years old and ready to take on the world. She shook her head, "Your company is being overseen by Uncle Leo until you finish school. Get your degree and then you can play with the big boys….You have been going to class haven't you?" She waved her hand with suspicion, "Not out partying too much or slaving away here all the time, right?"

"My grades are impeccable, thank you." He mockingly scowled at her. He had slowly been immersing himself into Stark Industries since his father's death. He wanted to understand every facet of his family's company. As it was, he was more often than not drawn into the research and development department and had become an ipso facto intern. He turned his gaze towards the office desk, "And what of you? Paper done yet? It won't write itself you know."

"I'll get it done…I always do." She waved off his pointed remarks and scanned the tools at the edge of the table. She really was procrastinating.

"And you're here pestering me and not working from the library because?"

Elena grimace and fiddled around with a pair of his pliers, "Betsy's engaged. Every discussion is over wedding plans now…. Gag me."

"Betsy? Your roommate?" Howard asked a lecherous grin coating his face as he remembered the leggy brunette. She was off the market now…that was depressing.

"You're a pig." His cousin rolled her eyes, already knowing what he was thinking, "It seems like every other girl in my class is getting married."

Howard shrugged and smirked, "You know that avoiding her, makes you look like a bitter old maid. Jealous you don't have a fiancé, Birdie? You know Ted Hannity is still interested in you."

"Uhh. Howard, never play matchmaker." Elena shivered in disgust as she thought of Hannity. Her mother had been trying to push the New York socialite onto her since she was sixteen. The man had been a jerk then and was just an arrogant ass now. It was safe to say she couldn't stand him, "And I'm not jealous, just disturbed. Why is it that there seems to be some kind of…of social _law_ that states that a girl needs to be married to someone by the time she's twenty. God, I would shoot myself if I tied myself to someone now."

"You're not in love. These girls are." Howard said, as if it was just that easy.

Elena snorted and gave her cousin a dry look, "Please tell me that did not just come out of your mouth? Howard, come on."

"You know some girls, normal girls, actually want to get married and even love their intended. Odd concept I know." He smirked, "And then the other half are gold diggers…well the vast majority are gold diggers."

"And there's the cousin I know and love." Elena commented dryly, "You were beginning to worry me."

Howard looked at her curiously, now procrastinating himself as he ignored the scrap pieces he gathered, "How much more do you have to do till you get your nursing certification?"

She tilted her head in thought, "Once I get my bachelors at Columbia, I can apply for Yale's nursing program. If everything continues to work out…another year, maybe two. Why?"

He smiled, "I was wondering if you'd be married by then."

Elena was tempted to throw the pliers at him. The day she married was the day she would willing wear red. Sighing in boredom, she turned and decided to give one last try at writing her paper.

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A/N: Thank you for the review and favorite ZabuzasGirl. :)


	3. Chapter 3

A/n: Here's chapter three, its a little sad. Steve and Bucky will make a brief entrance on the next chapter, but have a more primary role in chapter five. I am always open to comments, and criticisms. I hope you guys are enjoying the story.

Disclaimer: I own what is mine.

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Chapter Three

1934 Kingston, New York

It was here…somewhere. Howard frowned thoughtfully as he staggered into his father's office, humming a jazz tune under his breath as he did so. The old man was staying in the city for the next few weeks before heading off to London and Howard was taking full advantage of his father's absence. He smirked smugly as he tuned his fuzzy senses into the voices and music coming from the main part of the house. Definitely taking advantage. It was his birthday after all…sweet sixteen. He snorted to himself and began to raise his hand for a drink only to realize that he did not have one. He blinked dazedly for a second before shaking his head. Oh, he was drunk.

He glanced around the richly furnished room and tried to remember why he had stumbled inside. He hated this room…this place was strictly his father's. The one place where he had received every stern lecture and beating. If the walls could talk, he was sure they would speak of Senior's brusqueness, his arrogance…his cruelty. No love. So why was he here? He had been looking for something. His eyes landed on the built in bookcase across from him. The smell of well-worn leather and old, musty pages drawing his attention, almost lazily his hand drifted along the polished edge of the shelving. His original purpose for being in the office was completely forgotten. Howard sighed softly to himself, he should go back to his party this place was just making him bitter. He began to step away when he felt something give beneath his fingers. Curiosity bit through his hazy mind and his eyes turned to the ledge he had been fondling. He did not see anything, but his fingers brushed the spot again and this time he placed more pressure.

_Click._

The bottom half of the shelf slipped down and an inch thick book dropped from inside. Howard stared, stunned by the secret cache he had found. Almost automatically he crouched down to pick up the book. What could possibly be so important to hide in here? His fingers gripped the hard edge of the book's cover as he flipped to a random page. His eyes quickly took in the scratchy scrawl that he knew to be his father's and raised an eyebrow in surprise. A journal?

He sank to the floor and quickly flipped to the first page and made note of the date. 1927. Just before he turned eight. Unable to help himself he began to read, forgetting about the party on the other side of the doors. It was nearly one in the morning when he came across one entry in particular. The majority of his guests had left Stark Manor while a few remained passed out in the great room which suited Howard just fine. His heart pounded in his ears and he felt his stomach turn with fragrant horror and disbelief at the words he read. No one was around to see the tears that poured down his face or the muted panic that had overcome his demeanor. He was no longer drunk. He needed Birdie. Without thinking he dropped the ledger and practically ran from the room.

_1/31 Samuel arrived at the house last night. He had the gall to inform me that Junior would be remaining with his family for an indefinite period of time. Called me an unfit father and told me he intends to bring legal action upon me. He wants full custody of my son. This will never happen. The way I discipline my child is none of his concern. Arrangements have been made with Ian Grimes. Samuel's death will look like an accident. My sister understands._

xXx

Howard took the stairs two at a time. He could not stop shaking as he made his way towards the guest room that Birdie always used when she stayed over. He had lost track of her earlier in the evening, but knew that she had not left the manor. His hand latched onto the doorknob but was stopped short when the door did not budge. He growled, he did not have time for this. Wiping angrily at his eyes he raised his other hand to pound on the door.

Come on, Birdie, wake up!

He did not have to wait long as suddenly the door was swung open to reveal his irate cousin clutching a sheet to her naked form, "What!"

He swallowed, the words stuck in his throat as he tried not to scream. The inked letters from the ledger burned in his mind. He could only stare pleadingly at her as he remembered the day they had found out about Samuel Turner's death. Elena had cried for days, locking herself away in her room and refusing to speak to anyone…including him. She was going to hate him.

She frowned at him as she noticed his red rimmed eyes and the tear tracks coating his face. He had not cried in front of her in years and to see him so visibly upset was a bit jolting. Her eyes searched his face for some hint of what was going on, "Howard?"

"I have to show you something. You need to come downstairs." He whispered raggedly.

Elena continued to stare at him, but slowly nodded. He knew on some level he was scaring her as she hesitantly closed the door to get dressed, but he did not know what else to do. He heard a low exchanged of voices and shook his head as he realized that under normal circumstances he would be giving her hell for sneaking off with someone during his party. Under normal circumstances he would be the one caught with a girl, not the other way around. After what seemed like an eternity she reappeared in a dressing gown, the slightly skewed neckline of her nightgown peeking out from underneath. She did not even have a chance to question him before he grabbed her hand to pull her downstairs.

When they arrived back in his father's office, he felt Birdie tense. She hated this room almost as much as he did, though he was never quite sure why. Her questioning gaze burned into his back, but he could not bring himself to meet her stare. His hands trembled as he reached down to pick up the journal he had dropped. His eyes closed and he took deep breaths. He had to show her.

"Howard?" Her voice was so quiet, her worry obvious, "What is it? Has something happened?"

Howard shook his head still unable to voice what he needed to tell her. Instead, he quickly found the page he needed and shove the book into her hands, "Read."

Elena's brow furrowed but she did not argue as she turned her gaze toward the book. Howard watched her intently as she devoured the words from the journal. Surprise and then a hard steel of anger glittered across his cousin's face. She did not panic like he did. Her hands calmly flipped back a few pages, skimming each entry as she went, "What is this, Howard? Where did you get this?"

"I stumbled in here earlier and found it." He whispered bitterly.

It was not until she looked up that Howard felt his breath hitch. Birdie was nowhere near as calm as her controlled movements suggested. The anger he had seen was so very real, but now he could see her burning pain, the tumultuous storm of overwhelming emotion bottled up inside. She was struggling wildly to keep control of herself, "Birdie."

"Don't." Elena snapped. Her hands curled tightly around the journal as she went back to reading.

Howard turned away from her. He could not bear to see the weeping wound that he had reopened. His father…. HER father – his uncle. He paced over to the windows and stared into the darkened sky. Leaning his head against the cool glass he choked back a sob.

"Howard." He nearly jumped at the strangled sound of his name. His hazel eyes whipped around to his cousin, only to find her staring numbly at the damn book. The tears that she had held back were now streaming desperately down her cheeks, "How much did you read?"

Her distraught tone had him by her side in seconds as he reached for the leather tomb. What more could there be? Wasn't her father's murder enough? His eyes claimed the page she had been reading. He did not get more than few words in before the same numbness that had taken over Birdie, took over him as well.

_10/31 She should never have tried to leave me. I don't know how she knew what I had done to Samuel. She actually stood before me and listed my crimes. Threatening to expose the murder to all if I ever came after her. My timid Annalisa was suddenly so brave. She didn't understand that she could never leave. No one leaves Howard Stark. She wasn't so brave after that..._

…_on the stairs... _

_There was a crack. Her neck had snapped…_

"What are we going to do?" Elena whispered.

"I have to find her." Howard stated calmly, too calmly as Birdie's attention swung wildly on him. He was still reading, "She's buried somewhere on the grounds. I have to know, Birdie."

Elena looked sick, but nodded her head. She didn't even blink as he threw the journal across the room. His mother was dead.

His mother was dead…his mother was dead.

He sunk to the ground pulling Birdie with him. She curled into his side and he could feel his shirt begin to dampen as she let herself cry. His mother was dead. He bit his tongue and laid his head on hers. He never really noticed that he was crying too. His mother was dead.

Happy Birthday, Howard.

* * *

1935 Kingston, New York

"Elena Marie Turner. I forbid you to leave. Unpack your bags this instant."

Elena sighed and tried not to roll her eyes as she finished buttoning her coat. She wearily met her mother's furious gaze as she checked her appearance in the hall mirror, "I'm leaving, mother… whether you like it or not."

"To do what? To attend classes for a degree you'll never use? Your place is here." Vitoria Turner declared with a raise of her chin and for a moment her daughter could see the cold beauty her mother had once been, "Now the Fall Gala is in a few weeks and Mrs. Mallard's son has recently become partner in his law firm. You would do well to court his interest. I was already engaged to your father when I was your age."

This time Elena did roll her eyes as she turned to face Vitoria, "I don't think you understand, mother. In less than ten minutes Howard will be here to pick me up. I _am_ moving to the city indefinitely. I've spoken with Uncle Leo; there is enough money in the family account to keep the estate running for the next five months. I suggest that you find new living arrangements before then. Perhaps you should speak with Fergus."

"Perhaps I shall. At least I have one child who obeys me." Vitoria sniped as she stalked towards her daughter, "You step out of this house and I will disown you, Elena. Is that what you want?"

Elena silently wished her cousin would appear. Her mother had officially grown desperate if she was threatening disownment. Behind Vitoria's outrage, she could see her mother's fear. The money her mother had inherited after Samuel's death was almost gone and since Uncle Howard had neglected to put Vitoria in his will, she had no money coming from the Stark side of the family. Vitoria had become dependent on her children's inheritance to maintain the wealthy lifestyle she was accustomed. More specifically she had become accustomed to her daughter's inheritance. Fergus had squandered his within a year of their father's death. For a brief moment, Elena almost felt guilty for leaving her mother and unofficially cutting her off…almost.

The journal that Howard uncovered had been the first of many finds for the cousins. Howard Senior made copies of every letter he ever written and sent and Elena had found those letters bundled in the false bottom of his desk drawer. Vitoria had been more than aware about the circumstances surrounding her husband's death. She had even used that knowledge to make her brother cover Fergus's gambling debts. Elena was not about to forgive that anytime soon.

"Honestly mother, I don't care." Elena smiled bitterly, "I think I'll wait outside."

She made it two steps before she felt her mother's fingers dig into her arm, "You can't do this Elena. I'm your mother for God's sake."

Elena did not even blink, "It's not that I can't. It's that I already have."

The sound of a car rumbling up the drive could be heard from inside the silent house. Carefully, Elena slipped from her mother's grasp and picked up her luggage, "That's Howard. Talk to Fergus, mother."

She quickly stepped outside and placed her bags into the backseat of her cousin's car as he came to a stop. The clacking of heels told Elena that her mother had followed her out, but she refused to acknowledge her presence any more than she had to. Howard looked at her in question, but she shook her head. She did not want to get into it. Her morning had been long enough already.

"You won't last out there. You'll come back to me, Elena. More than likely pregnant with someone's bastard child." Vitoria began to rant, "You're better off here."

Elena continued to ignore her as she slid into the passenger seat. Howard looked furious and it was only because his cousin grabbed a hold of his elbow that he refrained from saying anything or even getting out of the car. She had heard worse.

"Howard…Howard Stark don't you go anywhere, young man!"

The two cousins exchanged a look and Howard placed the car into gear and drove off, leaving Vitoria yelling after the car. He glanced over at Birdie and with a chipper voice asked, "So, how have you been?"

Elena sent him a dry stare but could not help the smile that was curling the edges of her mouth, "Well, mother found out from Uncle Leo that she's being cut off from my finances yesterday. So I've been in hell for the past day and a half."

"And now you've successfully escaped your mother's clutches….We should celebrate." Howard suggested with a grin.

She shook her head at him, "I think you do enough of that for the both of us."

His grin slowly slipped away, "Yeah…."

She smiled sadly, when did everything become such a mess?


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: Here's the next chapter. I hope you guys are enjoying the story. Please read and review. :)

Disclaimer: I own what is mine.

* * *

Chapter Four

_May 1941 London, England_

It was like looking at a black stain. Elena tilted her head back as she looked at the crumbled building before her. Red bricks littered the dusty ground, water was leaking from somewhere and the cloying mixture of dirt and smoke fizzled in the air. Strangely, the buildings on either side had remained untouched. This was hardly the first dwelling in London to look like this, there were many more that were spread out all over the large city. She had not lived in those places, however. This former three story ivy brick apartment structure had been her home for the past month and a half. She really had not had the time to become properly attached to the place; yet, she felt an odd sadness at her home's demise. She was suddenly glad that she had not brought much with her. The majority of her belongings still resided in her flat in New York.

Thank God, Rose had made her go down to the station last night.

Distantly, the sounds of people began to penetrate her thoughts. Large groups of people were milling up and down the roads, carefully taking note of the damage done by the latest air raid. Some of the men had begun to clear rubble from the streets to allow cars to pass. The sun had barely broken the horizon and already she could see a few kids clambering through the debris, exclaiming in surprise whenever they found something interesting. She smiled when she caught sight of a little girl with curly pigtails toddling after her brother as he scurried over a pile of wood. She almost thought he would leave his sister behind until he paused to look back and began to fidget impatiently as he waited for her to catch up before hurrying off again. Children were resilient, she thought with a rueful smile that slipped away as she caught sight of the pained expressions on a couple not far from her, more resilient than adults.

She should really do her own cursory search through the debris to see if she could find any of the photos or personal letters that she had left in her room. Her clothes and jewelry could be replaced easily enough, but there was a photo of her and Howard, she wanted back. Elena was more than sure it had been destroyed, though. She sighed and stepped out into the street. Her feet automatically heading towards the aide center setup a few blocks away. She should have been there already, lending a hand. The American Red Cross and the British Red Cross had formed alliance of sorts. America was sending as much aid as they could to their British allies without becoming directly involved in the war that was destroying Europe. She wondered how long that particular goal would last. In the meantime she was aid, part of the group of nurses to come over and help victims of the Luftwaffe raids. She just never expected to be one of the people affected by the bombings. A stupid thought really. One that Howard had tried to make her see before she left. She probably shouldn't tell him about this.

"Oi Yank!"

The sudden shout had Elena clenching the inside lining of the pockets of her coat in order not to start as she sighed in exasperation. She smiled wanly as she turned to see a blonde blur rushing toward her, "Rosie Posy."

She tried not to laugh as the blonde blur stopped and scowled at her, "I hate that name."

"Then don't call me, Yank, or any variation thereof." Elena replied calmly as she studied the tumbled mess that was her friend. Dirt was smudged on her cheeks and clothes, though Rose somehow managed to keep her makeup perfect. She nearly shook her head, she had met the Brit during her first few days in London and for whatever reason the blonde nurse had taken a shine to her and they had been friends ever since. Her vibrant green eyes twinkle mischievously as she nudged Elena with her shoulder, "What did you do? Roll in the dirt?"

Rose Walters grinned, "Well, I was actually helping this older woman get her jewelry box from some of the ruins. How that little thing survived is beyond me. When…I met the most gorgeous man. Helped move some of the rubble so I could crawl through the hallway and grab the box."

"Hmm, does this gorgeous man have a name?" Elena bit back a grin, "Or were you two ships passing through the mess that is London?"

"I got his name." Rose stated a little indignantly, but smiled, knowing that she tended to flirt with anything that moved, "It's Thomas. We're going out tomorrow and he has a friend."

This time Elena did laugh as she shook her head, "They always have friends."

"Which is good because you're coming with me." Elena kept shaking her head, but Rose was determined as she laced her arm through her friend's, "Please Laney. He really is gorgeous and his friend isn't half bad either. It'll be fun. We can-"

"Are you going to prattle on like this all day?" Elena interrupted dryly.

"Only until you say yes." Rose widened her eyes pleadingly making Elena's lips twitch, "Say yes."

"Rose…"

"Say yes." Elena smiled indulgently as the Brit began to bounce on her toes, "Say yes, woman."

"Alright. I'll go." She gave in and mockingly winced as her friend squealed excitedly.

It took a few seconds before Rose composed herself again, but when she did she suddenly whipped her head around to look at Elena, "Laney?"

"Hmm?" She had begun to drift in her thoughts and had not noticed the serious note to Rose's voice.

"Did you check on your flat?"

Elena held in a sigh as she nodded, "It's gone. Looks like you were right to make me go to the subway last night…Thank you."

Rose shrugged uncomfortably but smiled slightly, "It's called the underground here in London…Yank."

"Rosie Posy." Elena lightly retorted.

The girls' eyes met and they fell into a fit of giggles as they rounded the corner to see the aide center. Elena frowned as she saw the amount of activity coming from the various tents and wondered just how many people didn't make it to safety last night, "We should have been here sooner."

Rose sighed, "Nothing to do about it now. Let's go check in."

Elena nodded quietly and the two keep made their way to the medical tent. She quickly checked in and made her way to her station. A cursory glanced showed many people with superficial wounds, a few scrapes and gashes, but nothing too terribly serious…though it was still early. Not that it mattered, anything more serious than a light gash she was required to call over one of the doctors on duty. She pulled on a pair of gloves and started to make the rounds. A gentle smile graced her face as she came to her first cot. A man with a gash to his head. He was coherent, but the gash was deep and oozing blood. She began to disinfect and clean while remembering to keep a stream of conversation. He'd need stitches.

…A woman suffering dehydration and exhaustion….

….A boy with bruised ribs.

…Death tolls coming in, the count so far thirty-eight…

It was nearly noon before she let herself take a breath. She barely had two minutes of peace before the head nurse was upon her. Agnes Wiker was a buxom woman of thirty-seven was more bark than bite with her steely gaze and almost militant commands. The woman liked rules and would not abide disobedience. Elena tried to avoid her as much as possible.

"Nurse Turner, how many patients do you have?" Wiker asked sternly as she began to count the number of occupied cots in Elena's station.

"Seven." Elena answered as she studied the older woman. Agnes looked stressed; a pinched expression clouded her face. Her red hair that was always neat and plaited had come loose while her uniform looked a little ragged, "Nothing serious. The majority of people I've seen are just exhausted and in need of food."

Wiker barely acknowledged her answer, "Pass them off to Nurse Anderson. I need you to go with Doctor Thompson and Nurse Kelly. One of the buildings in midtown has collapsed onto a cleanup crew and possibly a few civilians."

"Of course." Elena murmured, but Wiker was gone before she even finished speaking.

The day was only going to get worse.

* * *

_May 1941, New York_

Swing music could be heard from the streets as the late night crowds of the city milled the walkways. The Way-Back Hall, once a speakeasy, was now a legitimate night crawl for those looking to drown their sorrows and dimes or for those who simply wanted a good time. Dancing, drinking, people and even a little more was catered to the club's clientele. Most nights it was a just few regulars and businessmen that enjoyed the vivacious atmosphere and on weekends more of the college kids began to appear. Howard was enjoying his own little company of girls as he tossed back a few drinks and even let himself be dragged out onto the dance floor. He smirked, knowing that had Birdie been with him that she would be rolling her eyes right now. He twirled the red-headed girl on his arm around and winked at the blonde next to her before chuckling to himself. He had earned a night out.

The government contract that his father had established had been renewed six months ago after extensive and tedious negotiations. He was ever thankful to Uncle Leo for helping him navigate those conferences. Every week the older man was easing him into the role of CEO, making sure that he understood the nuances of the business and did not just go hideaway in the research and development department. He would gladly have let Leo continue to act as CEO on his behalf if it weren't for the fact that the older man had his own company to run. It saddened Howard to know that his uncle, who really was not his uncle, would be gone soon. Yet, since that contract had been reestablished he had been holed up in his lab anyway. Classified assignments had landed on his desk quicker than he could blink after signing the dotted line. He longed for the days when he could complain to Birdie about not knowing every single detail about the project he was working on, now he had enough details to make him tear his hair out. Stark Industries was on the rise.

He shook his head to get his mind off his thoughts, tonight was supposed to be work free and on the pretty girls. He grinned fiendishly as the girls he had been dancing with, pulled him towards the bar, "So, where are we going after this ladies?"

"Oh, Howie." The redhead giggled while the blonde just shrugged.

Howard kept his grin, vapid and shallow. He had seen the dollar signs light up in the girls' eyes when he had introduced himself, but women looking for the gold were always easier to kick out of bed in the morning. His gaze flickered away and he nearly started at the figure he saw standing in the doorway. He wondered briefly if he had been thinking too hard on his Uncle Leo for him to appear now. Leo caught his gaze and gestured him over. Howard nearly slumped in disappointment, so much for a night off. He made his excuses to the girls before pushing off the bar and towards his Uncle.

"What's going on?" Howard asked wearily as he gestured to the attendant at the door for his coat.

Leonard Turner eyed his sort-of-nephew for a moment, a wisp of sympathy in his gaze, "It's best that we discussed this in the car. Though I can say Dr. Erskine has officially defected."

Howard's gaze snapped up, "The scientist in charge of Hitler's-"

"One in the same." Leo confirmed before the younger man had a chance to finish his sentence.

Howard nodded, understanding the need for secrecy, though he hesitated for a minute as he looked up at his uncle, "Have you heard from Birdie? She hasn't called lately."

"No, but she's probably just busy Howard. Things are a disaster over there." Leo answered gently. He knew that two had never been far apart from each other. Even when Howard was away at boarding school, the two would meet up on various weekends. In fact, he was surprised it had taken almost a month for his nephew to ask after her.

Howard sighed, but didn't say thing further. London was bombed on a regular basis, he didn't like Elena being in the middle of that. He smiled tightly at his uncle before exiting the club.

Outside the Way-Back Hall a tall brunette nudged a smaller blonde, "Come on Stevie, let's go in and get a drink."

"You go ahead, Buck. I think I'll head home." Steve Rogers ran a hand through his hair as his friend looked at him exasperatedly, "I'm tired."

"Uh huh." Bucky Barnes refrained from rolling his eyes – barely, "It's not going to kill you to have a drink."

Steve shifted uncomfortably before sending the taller man a flat stare, "It's not the drink that's the problem. It's this nosy friend that tries to get me to dance with every female in the joint."

"Dancing isn't going to kill you either." Bucky smiled slyly, "Besides how're you gonna learn if you don't try."

"Bucky…"

"Alright." Bucky sighed at his friend's weary tone, he knew when to stop pushing, "Home it is."


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: So finally more of Steve and Bucky. Let me know what you think and I'll keep posting.

Disclaimer:I own what is mine

* * *

Chapter Six

1933 Kingston, New York

It was snowing. Elena's ocean blue stare followed the fluttering of icy flakes as she waited quietly in the den of the Stark house. She did not care much for snow. Its biting cold seemed to seep into the deepest pores of her body whenever she stepped out into it, but she loved to watch as the pure whiteness blanketed the world. The first snowfall was always the greatest. The flakes were just starting to settle to the earth and had an abstract fuzzy quality that made the glaring white seem soft to touch. She found it hypnotizing, in its own strange way, and it made it easier for her to block out the sounds of her family in the next room. The sound of her mother's grating laugh tore at her nerves as the family conversed with the Davenports. It was time for that all-encompassing and draining Sunday dinner with her Uncle Howard… which meant that half of Kingston's prominent families were in attendance. Elena was not in the mood to make polite small talk and feign genial smiles that particular weekend. She bit back a sigh and idly fingered the silver band wrapped around her middle finger.

"You're amazing at avoiding parties."

Elena startled in her seat as her gaze swung around to find Howard Jr. struggling not to smile at her expense. She silently huffed, "Ass."

Howard simply grinned.

Straightening from the chair, she found herself softening a little as she moved to greet her cousin with a hug, "What are you doing here? I thought school didn't release the prisoners for another few weeks."

"The warden took a trip home this weekend and I thought I'd take the opportunity to make a break for it." He smirked mischievously, "I figured Daddy dearest could put up with harboring a fugitive tonight."

"Hmm, lucky him." Elena stepped back and studied the young man before her. They were the same height now and she had no doubt that in another few years he would outgrow her. His eyes held a light that spoke of his good care at Emerson Academy. Her lips twisted into a small smile as she reached up to touch his chin, "What is this? You need to wash your face, there's something on your lip."

Howard ducked out of her reach and scowled, "It's called a mustache, Birdie."

"If you say so." She snorted in amusement as she eyed the barely-there strip of hair that was decorating her cousin's face. It was too pathetic, in her opinion, to even be called a moustache, "It looks more like dirt."

"I'll have you know it took me two months to grow this." He groused as he touched the peach fuzz as if to make sure it really was not dirt. He had spent a lot of time cultivating his new look.

Elena nearly choked on a laugh as she replied, "Howard, there's a reason you don't see many - any fifteen year old boys with a mustache…They can't grow them yet."

"I can." Howard stated childishly which only seemed to encourage Elena's merriment, "Oh shut up."

She grinned unrepentantly as Howard continued to scowl at her. By the way he was fidgeting Elena could tell he wanted to go check his appearance in the mirror. She suppressed a laugh and gently nudged his shoulder, "So what's the real reason you're home? I know you try to avoid being near your father for any extended amount of time."

Howard shifted uncomfortably, his eyes flitting briefly over her form before pausing for a moment on the hand holding her ring. He reached out and pulled her hand up for inspection before finally meeting her gaze again, "You have to ask?"

"No." Elena's mouth twisted into a sad smile as she pulled her hand away. Her thumb unconsciously rubbed the metal band as she studied her cousin again, this time looking for any hint of pity. There was none, only silent sadness and muted pain, "No, I suppose not."

"I miss him." Howard whispered bitterly, and Elena found herself blinking back tears as she tried to stop the trembling of her lower lip. "I wish he had been my dad…instead of my uncle."

"He wanted that too." Elena murmured as she tried to twist her lips into a smile, but found herself swallowing against the sudden tightness in her throat. She had been trying so hard not to think of her father; she hurt so much whenever she did. She missed his smile, and his odd sense of humor…she missed his kindness. The only kind person in their twisted little family…she missed – she just missed him.

Howard vainly ignored his own watery eyes as he nudged his struggling cousin. In truth, Samuel Turner had been the only decent father figure he had ever had, and his death the previous year had left him lost and bewildered, but not as devastated as Birdie. He pushed a thin smile to his lips. "Do you remember how confused your dad made me over your name when we were little?"

Elena's lips twitched. "You didn't understand why he kept calling me Pigeon."

"And Uncle Leo was no better…always calling you Ducky, or Ducks," Howard continued, his eyes gleaming at the fond memory. "I was convinced that you were named after some type of bird by the time I was five."

"Named after?" Elena giggled disbelievingly. "You used to follow me around looking for feathers and nagged me to teach you how to fly…. Nearly gave your mother a heart attack when you tried to jump off the roof with wooden boards and a sheet strapped to your arms."

"She never believed me when I told her it was your idea," he muttered ruefully as Elena smiled shamelessly; it had been her idea. "She didn't let me out of her sight for a week."

She shrugged. "It could have been worse. You started calling me Birdie then."

"Well of course. You were your dad's little carrier pigeon, our uncle's duckling, a mother hen when I was hurt and a mockingbird when I did something stupid…You're Birdie."

Elena shook her head at him though her smile remained. "You're always doing something stupid."

"And you're always mocking me."

The two cousins smirked at each other as they fell into a comfortable silence. Elena rubbed her ring again as she felt her sadness linger, but this time she did not feel as despairing.

* * *

1936 Brooklyn, New York

Bucky rubbed at the back of his neck as he watched the snow fall. It had to be one of the heaviest snowfalls he had ever seen and as more and more of the street was buried under the fluffy flakes he felt his stomach harden with dread. He never used to feel this way when it snowed. In fact, winter had been one of his favorite seasons as a kid. Snowball fights, sledding and giant snowmen were things he had looked forward to, but then he met Steve. Tiny Stevie, who loved winter as much as he did, but could not physically tolerate the harsh cold as well as Bucky.

A wheezy wet cough filtered through the apartment, causing Bucky to wince as he listened for the gasping breaths that would soon follow. He swore Steve was allergic to winter. It never failed. The cold would come and the cough would start and then the snow would fall and the fever came…every year like clockwork. This year, however, Bucky had prayed that Steve's inevitable sickness would not come. It was their third year out of the orphanage, but the first year that Steve would no longer be able to go to the nuns for medical help. At nineteen years old, Steve Rogers was officially too old to use the free medical services the church had provided for all its orphans. Though, Bucky had a feeling that many of the nuns would turn a blind eye for his sickly friend if he did show up at the clinic, but Steve was all about following the rules and would not take the services that were needed by the other kids. It made Bucky want to tear his hair out.

Heaving a sigh, he turned from his place at the window to go to his friend's room. Hopefully, he could convince Steve to take the blankets from his bed. One night in the cold would not hurt the brunette. The sight that greeted Bucky when he entered was worse than he had anticipated. It seemed as if the cough and fever had come to welcome Stevie at the same time this year. The smaller man was curled up tight on his bed, his cheeks flushed with more color than Bucky had seen in a week while a slight sheen of perspiration glimmered in the low light of the room.

"Jesus Steve." Bucky murmured quietly as he moved to pull the thin blankets tighter around his friend.

"I'll be fine." Steve muttered weakly, as passive embarrassment fluttered over his face. The hacking cough that suddenly wracked the blonde's small frame belied his words.

Bucky bit back a sigh as he silently cursed his friend's pride. He could not help but wonder just how long Stevie had been feeling this ill. Over the short span of their lives, Bucky had come to learn that while Stevie was exceptionally honest about most things, when it came to his health he could hide anything until it became too bad and he had no choice but to collapse. The brunette quickly left the room to grab the blankets from his bed. Stevie could shove his stupid pride.

"Bucky-"

His name was the only form of protest that Steve could utter when he came back into the room with the extra covers, before he silenced his friend with a glare, "Did you pick up your medicine from the pharmacy?"

Bucky wasn't even sure why he asked, Steve never got his prescriptions filled. By the hesitant look in his friend's eyes, he knew that Stevie hadn't done it this time either.

"Stevie…" Bucky sighed, suddenly feeling more tired than he had any right too.

"We don't have the money, Buck." Steve defended quietly, no longer meeting Bucky's gaze, "Eating is a thing, you know?"

Bucky bit back a curse as he realized where the fresh milk and bread in the kitchen had come from…spare money, Steve had told him, "Stevie."

Steve nearly flinched at the harsh growl of his friend's voice, "I'm fine, Bucky."

"No, you're an idiot. Jesus, Stevie that money was for your medicine, not food. We can always find money for food." Bucky lectured not sure if he was more exasperated or angry.

"There just wasn't enough for the medicine, the price was raised again. I figured that what we did have would be better spent on food." Steve sighed as he tried to ignore the cough building up in his chest, "It's not a big deal."

"Yes, it is, Stevie. You should have said something about the cost." Bucky muttered, now sure he wanted to shake his friend. Didn't Stevie understand just how terrifying it was when he was sick? Some of what he thinking must have shown on his face as Steve glanced at him sorrowfully.

"I'm not gonna die from this, Buck…promise." Steve said softly as he tried to banish the look of abject worry from his friends face.

Bucky just snorted and shook his head, "Damn straight you won't or I'd have to bring you back to life and kill you, myself."

"Please -" Steve wheezed out, "Like you could take me."

The boy's eyes met briefly before they both broke composure and grinned. Bucky rolled his eyes, but pushed his ever flowing concern to the back of his mind, "You're still an idiot and you're missing the first snowfall."

"You mean that white, fluffy stuff? Seen it." Steve muttered dismissively as he held back a yawn.

Bucky noticed his drowsiness anyway, "Go to sleep, Stevie. You're making me tired."

"Yeah, yeah."

Bucky watched silently as his friend drifted back to sleep. His fingers sluggishly ran through his hair while he listened to Steve's labored breaths. It was going to be a long night. Despite, what Stevie said, he needed the medicine. He always needed the medicine. With practice stealth he left his friend's room and slipped into his dinky quarters to quietly rummage through his dresser drawers. It took him a few minutes to find what he wanted. He paused only briefly before letting his hands wrap around a small cardboard box.

It was a pathetic little thing. The corners had started to wear and the edges were a little crinkled, but it held the last thing Bucky had of his mother and father. Their wedding rings resided inside. He could not bring himself to pull lid off to stare at the shiny circles he knew were there. Instead he grabbed his coat and shoved the box into his pocket. They needed the money.


End file.
